Bereavement and Loss
Helping somebody to come to terms with the death of a loved-one is one of the main
tasks of a counsellor. It can also be most frequently misunderstood. Indeed, it may
not be understood at all.
When you have suffered a bereavement, it is often impossible to comprehend how
you will ever get over it or return to your normal way of life, as you were before the
terrible event. The truth is that you probably never will.
The deeper your love for, or dependence upon, the one you lost the less likely
it is that you will ever feel or be quite the same again. Bereavement is a loss for life.
Clichés (one of which is ‘come to terms’, by the way) can never help you. In fact,
they are more likely to have the reverse effect.
Nobody has the right to tell you that they ‘understand’ your grief; nobody has the
right to tell you how you should feel; nobody has the right to make you think that
there is a time-limit for grieving or a right or wrong way of expressing it. Nobody has
the right to tell you that ‘it will get better in time.’ Nobody has the right to tell you
anything about your grief precisely because it is yours.
The circumstances, feelings, experience of your loss are individual to you.
That is the only truth that I, as your counsellor, will offer.
The rest will be in your hands, in your time, in your way.